Written by Alannah Jensen
Divorce Is Not Necessarily About Failure; It’s About Survival and Maximizing Personal Fulfillment Over the Long Term
Divorce is often seen as one of the most traumatic events in a person’s life, a symbol of failure, loss, and emotional upheaval. Our society tends to frame it as an end to something once considered sacred—marriage. However, what if we started to look at divorce differently? What if, instead of focusing on the negative aspects, we viewed it as an opportunity for personal growth, survival, and even long-term fulfillment? By adopting this more positive outlook, we could approach the challenges of divorce with greater resilience and a better mindset for solving the complex issues it brings. After all, divorce may not be the worst thing that happens in our lives—it could be a crucial step in adapting to our ever-evolving needs and achieving the life we truly want.
Why Do Divorces Happen? The Evolutionary Psychology Behind Serial Monogamy
Divorce rates are high, and many people go through more than one marriage in their lifetime. In fact, "serial monogamy"—the practice of having multiple long-term relationships over the course of a life—is becoming more common. But what if this trend isn’t just a modern phenomenon or a failure of relationships? What if divorce is part of a natural, even adaptive strategy for ensuring long-term happiness and success in our personal lives?
By looking at divorce through the lens of evolutionary psychology, we can uncover some surprising insights. Rather than viewing divorce as an end or a mistake, it can be seen as a natural part of how humans navigate relationships, emotions, and evolving needs. In this blog, we'll explore why divorce happens and how it might actually be an adaptive strategy deeply rooted in our biology.
The Biological Blueprint: Why We’re Wired for Serial Monogamy
Humans are designed for relationships, but not necessarily lifelong monogamy. At least, that’s what evolutionary psychology suggests. Over thousands of years, human mating strategies have evolved to maximize reproductive success. This doesn’t always mean sticking with one partner for life.
Take Parental Investment Theory—a core concept in evolutionary psychology. This theory, proposed by Robert Trivers in 1972, suggests that the amount of time and energy invested in raising offspring influences how we form relationships. In species like ours, where children need long-term care, having a committed, long-term partner is essential. However, as our needs change—emotionally, sexually, and reproductively—we might naturally seek new partners better suited to those needs.
In other words, divorce isn’t just a sign of failure—it’s a strategy for adapting to life’s shifting circumstances. Serial monogamy, where we form a series of committed partnerships over our lives, may be a biological response that helps us thrive in the long run.
Changing Needs: Why People Divorce and Remarry
As we grow and evolve, so do our desires and needs in relationships. For example, women’s relationship preferences change as they age, particularly once they move past their peak fertility years. Early in life, women may prioritize traits like physical attraction and resource security in a partner. But later, as their reproductive priorities shift, they may start focusing more on emotional stability and long-term companionship. If a current relationship no longer meets these evolving needs, it can lead to dissatisfaction—and eventually divorce.
For men, the story is different but equally telling. A man’s mate value is often linked to his social status and resources, which tend to improve with age. As men get older, they might seek younger partners who are seen as more physically attractive or fertile, leading to higher rates of divorce as they try to "upgrade" their partner to meet their evolving desires.
This shifting desire for emotional and reproductive fulfillment is a core driver behind divorce. As people change, so too do their relationship needs, and divorce often becomes the natural step to adapt and find a partner who better aligns with their new goals.
Technology and Changing Social Norms: The New Reality of Modern Relationships
In the age of online dating and social media, relationships are more dynamic than ever. Platforms like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge make it easier than ever to find a new partner, contributing to the rise of serial monogamy. With so many potential matches just a click away, people are more likely to leave unsatisfying relationships and seek someone better suited to their needs—often with less hesitation than in past generations.
This trend is further accelerated by shifting gender roles and growing economic independence, especially for women. With more financial autonomy and opportunities for self-fulfillment, women are no longer reliant on marriage for security and are better equipped to leave relationships that no longer serve them. Studies show that women with higher education and income levels are more likely to initiate divorce when emotional or relational needs aren’t met. This financial freedom and changing societal expectations allow people to move on and find partners who match their evolving life goals.
Divorce Is Not a Failure—It’s Part of the Evolutionary Process
From an evolutionary psychology standpoint, divorce shouldn’t be viewed as the end of a relationship but as part of a larger strategy for success in life. As people grow and their emotional, reproductive, and financial needs shift, divorce becomes a way to adapt to these changes, seeking new partners who are better suited to the current stage of life.
This idea may sound radical, but it fits well with what we know about human nature. Infidelity—a common cause of divorce—is often connected to the drive to find better genetic material or more resources. Similarly, divorce serves as a way to "switch" mates when a relationship no longer provides the same benefits it once did. It’s not necessarily about failure; it’s about survival and maximizing personal fulfillment over the long term.
The Statistics Don’t Lie: Changing Relationship Patterns
Consider the statistics: in Canada, 30% of marriages end in divorce, and remarriages are more likely to end in divorce than first marriages. Furthermore, cohabitation—living together without formal marriage—is on the rise, particularly among younger generations, who view it as a more flexible alternative to traditional marriage. In 2022, over 12% of Canadian couples cohabited without formal marriage. This rise in cohabitation reflects an evolving understanding of relationships where the focus is more on compatibility than on societal norms.
Additionally, the average age at first marriage has increased to 35.3 years (up from around 24 in the 1970s). Many people today choose to delay marriage or forgo it entirely, reflecting changing attitudes toward commitment. These shifts signal a break from traditional notions of lifelong monogamy and point to a more adaptive approach to relationships, where flexibility and change are valued.
Divorce as an Adaptive Strategy: The Takeaway
Divorce and serial monogamy are not signs of failure—they are a natural, biological response to life’s changing needs. People don’t stay the same throughout their lives, and neither do their emotional, reproductive, and resource requirements. As these needs shift, so too do the relationships that help fulfill them. Divorce allows individuals to transition out of unsatisfying partnerships and find new ones that better suit their current goals, desires, and circumstances.
Divorce is not just an emotional crisis; it’s part of a broader evolutionary strategy that helps people achieve long-term happiness and reproductive success. By embracing this view, lawyers can better guide their clients through the process, helping them see divorce as a step toward a more fulfilling life.
Looking to the Future: Where Do We Go From Here?
As we look ahead, it’s clear that divorce, remarriage, and cohabitation are likely to continue shaping the future of relationships. Online dating, evolving gender roles, and greater economic independence will keep driving the trend of serial monogamy. And while these changes may seem overwhelming, they also offer opportunities for individuals to create relationships that truly meet their needs and desires.
Understanding the role of evolutionary psychology in relationships gives us a deeper insight into why divorce happens. Rather than seeing it as a failure, we can view it as a strategy for adapting to life’s changes. In this way, divorce becomes not an end, but a chance to start anew—creating the life and relationships that best support personal growth and fulfillment.